2 things I want you to take out of today’s blog:
God is mindful of you, and He cares for you.
You’ve got nothing to worry about; God’s got you.
Hi, guys, how have you been? So today, I won’t be going into the whole “I’m sorry for going off on you” message because, at this point, even I don’t believe I am sorry. If I am truly sorry, why do I keep doing it again? 🤷 I wish I knew.
I’m just glad to finally be able to write to you 💃💃💃. So today, I will share what God is teaching me in this season of my life, hoping that someone will be able to learn something from it. (Disclaimer: It might be a really long read and maybe scattered.)
In a few days (barely two weeks from when you’d be reading this), I’d be 27 years old (that feels so weird to be true considering my height) and it feels like I might not have achieved the things I hoped I would have achieved. And sometimes (literally almost all the time, though), that bothers me a lot lately.
A few weeks ago, I had one of those episodes where a wave of strong emotions hit me. I thought about my life, focused on the negative, got sad, started to get sadder, and waited for the tears to just flow, and they did flow. Only the tears didn’t just flow; I wailed. I wailed so much and didn’t know what to do, so I started pouring out my heart to God and telling the Holy Spirit how sad I felt, how everything didn’t seem to be working, how I wanted a miracle and the list goes on. And when I was done wailing, I laid down and slept off.
The next day was a public holiday and I had time to sleep in. The first person who called me was one of my closest friends, insisting I take him out that day, as we’ve barely seen each other in a few years. My first instinct was a NO because I didn’t have enough money in my account. But because I was obviously still sad, I decided I needed fresh air, a catch-up with my dearest friend, and an affordable meal (but could I afford it? 🤷), so I agreed to do it.
I met with my friend and that catch-up was God saying to me, “I heard you yesterday. I’m working on every single thing. You just need to be a little more patient with me, as your timing isn’t even on the same clock as mine. Also, when I’m ready to do everything, it will be unexpected, speedy, and way above how you wanted it because I know exactly what you need and not what you want. You have to focus on the positive now and also walk with me to really understand what I’m doing for you, with you, and in you.”.
Every single life update and gist my friend kept telling me that day just kept bringing my thoughts back to how we are so alike in our experiences, only that my friend was already living in his answered prayers (I know he won’t agree when he reads this) while I felt like I wasn’t there yet. He’s had a series of delays in stuff, and then suddenly and quickly God showed up for him in unexpected ways, and he’s now surpassed even the people he thought were ahead of him.
He had no prior knowledge of what I was going through, as I hadn’t told anyone much about how I was feeling, so nothing informed his conversation with me. It was when I couldn’t hold it anymore that I told him about everything that was wrong with me, what wasn’t working, and even my wailing to the Holy Spirit the night before, and that further sealed the whole conversation as he had more to say about stuff with him. This experience reminded me that God is indeed mindful of me and that He cares for me. The one message for both of us that day was to keep walking with God, trusting him, and believing in the impossible. And yes, I didn’t pay for anything; the Holy Spirit just needed me to agree to come out to see my friend.
A few days before this meeting, I decided to shut down this blog. Yes, I know I have said that so much that you guys may not take me seriously anymore 🤦, but this time, I was doing that for real. This was the message I sent to a few of my closest friends:
I just wanted to let you know that I will be shutting down Zoewriter and I wanted to let you know before it happened. Why? It’s started to become a chore rather than what it was when I started or what I expected it to be. Plus, my domain renewal tripled in price and I currently can’t afford it. I know it will be more by next year so I’m just not willing to go on.
In case you didn’t know, I pay for this blog’s domain, which is www.zoewriter.com and if I don’t pay, you won’t be able to access the blog, whether to read old write-ups or new ones. Also, I am juggling so many things in my life right now, and really, God is dragging me to be responsible and go out of my comfort zone (not necessarily in my life, but like in the place of service, commitment, and endeavors), and that, I’m struggling with. So, this has kept me pushing Zoewriter down and down the drain with every passing day. So finding out that I couldn’t afford Zoewriter’s domain (I promise you, it’s not a lot of money, but I just can’t afford it in my current state) just made it easier for me to just give it up completely.
And yeah, once again on the blog, I’d like to say, “God has truly blessed me with the gifts of men,” because my friends are really the right fit for me (one day, I should write about friendship, I guess). After a lot of encouragement, sad feelings, two alternatives, and maybe some money, I won’t be shutting down Zoewriter. The only thing is that we’d need to migrate to another platform and maybe a different, more affordable domain.
Another thing I was trying to understand was my career path. I was questioning if I was doing the right thing, and God used two people to reassure me in just a week. My rant buddy at work on one of our ranting sessions said, “Compare your January self to your June self. You’re growing. You’re lamenting but growing”. And then, to seal it, on two random occasions, my pastor called me out and said reassuring words about my career. He didn’t know what he did, but in all of these happenings, God reminded me that I’ve got nothing to worry about; He’s got me.
This isn’t me just giving you lengthy stories about my life; this is me trying to encourage someone that you might be going through the roughest path of life, but God hasn’t left you; in fact, He is mindful of you, He knows what you’re going through, He cares for you, and you’ve got nothing to worry about; God’s got you.
Stay trusting God 🙏
There’s truly a purpose for Zoewriter because every time I’ve thought of shutting it down, it really never happens. Anyway, expect an update on what happens with Zoewriter soon.
I’ll see you soon 🤗🤗
