Confessions of a Lost Daughter 3👩‍🦯

Dear Father,

My last confession to You didn’t end well but my last conversation with You, Father, was the best thing that ever happened to me in a while.

The way you listened to me closely even though I felt filthy. The warm embrace You gave me afterwards. The soothing words of admonition and love You spoke to me that began my gradual healing in my body, spirit and soul.

Thank You Father for not chasing me out of your flock. Thank You for picking me up from my mess without castigating me. Your amazing love keeps overwhelming me. How you love me this much, I can’t explain but all I’m saying is “Thank You Father” 🙏

My health was stable until I drifted away from you 😓. I began to have series of health issues (migraine, heartburn, malaria, typhoid, all at once). I went from one Doctor’s appointment to another. I obeyed all the Doctor’s instructions, followed Google’s advice but still I spent all my money on medications and my time in the hospital and still didn’t feel better. Just when I thought I was going to die, a friend came in and prayed for me. Gradually, my health began to get better. I could go days without taking any medication. My energy was coming back and I was becoming more and more alive by the day 😊.

I thought battling with my health was enough and my mind was doing well, until I started to have mental breakdown: depression and anxiety attack, then I realized I couldn’t even think for myself rightly without You 🤦

“My body is the temple of God” the Bible says. Whose temple mine was, I didn’t know. Did I even own a temple? 🤷 Could my body house one? 😓 After all, a temple is meant to be consecrated right? 🤷 Loosing my innocence was the greatest excuse I had to explore and “see” the world, but again, all didn’t end well. Rather things got worse. This time, Father, I can’t tell You what became of me but I know You know as The Omnipresent One that You are, Father.

Wanted a job, got a job but still I wasn’t satisfied 🤦. It was as though it was never the job I dreamt of 😭. It was as though I had not been preparing for the job all the while. Things got really messy there. I even stained Your name there Father 😓. Just because I tried to do it on my own without You being with me on the journey.

They said “get a career path, it’s good for you. It’ll help you navigate through life easily.” I hopped from one job to another, hoping one of them would be a good career path for me but 6different jobs later 🤦, I’m yet to find my career path. I’m just here passing time and hoping the next job would be the right career path for me. Just because I didn’t talk to you about it and seek your opinion. All because “I can do it on my own without God, I’ve got this” 🙄. Lord I’ve not “got this” at all 😭

Every now and then, I’m made to realize that there’s no “getting it” without You. There’s no “making it” without You. Life starts and ends with You. Life’s only got meaning when You’re in it with us. It’s sad I’ve to learn the hard way. I’m sorry I let You out of my life 😭. I really hope you find a space in your hear to forgive me Father 🙏.